discerning intentions

Tonight I've walked many paths in my mind, many leading in circles and in the end, it comes down to knowing I am not controlling the life I'm in, and I wonder what will come next.
I'd just started to fall into my first instance of true intrigue with another person, it began last week--that's a lie--on my end it started the first day I saw him walk into rehersals with a guitar strapped on his back.
We chatted about music and our varying levels of drunkeness at the bar on opening night of the play. Our exchanges, though minor and not sober upon first conversing, were comfortable and unforced. And after that first conversation though our chats weren't particularly large in number or long in time they were nice and left a smile on my face. Even if it was a simple grin and wave as I let him back into the greenroom while I was busy filling ticket orders in the office.
A crush was developing from my end, he plays guitar and has the most genuine smile. We spoke yesterday for the first time at length while at work (before the show). The conversation lasted more than the usual minute and I felt that spot in my stomach and knew I was truly interested in learning more this person. We walked out together after the show. It was nothing earth shattering but again, I enjoyed the momentary company as I went to the bus stop and I liked the idea of a connection forming, whether it be friendship or otherwise. I've been hungry for such feelings since moving to a new place.

Tomorrow he'll be back in Nebraska and an understudy will take over his role. Today someone in his family died.
And so the inner struggle begins. When I heard I felt absolutely horrible. And yet now I feel contrite and uncomfortable for having such a reaction when I hardly know the man behind the name or even who it is that is now gone from his family. Am I upset because he's leaving? Is it selfish and childish to feel that way? Am I upset because of my own personal loss or disruption in the developing ties that were just beginning to knot or can I justify the hollow feeling in my stomach?
I am so close to my family that the thought of death always has been difficult for me to imagine. Is that why I feel awkward tonight? It is at least part of it, though I hope it's more than I am able to discern in spite of the battle going on between my brain and heart.
I called him. When the words "I'm sorry" fell flat onto his voicemail it all seemed so contrived, so self-serving and impersonal. As I began to regret the call I walked past Elliott's food dish. On the floor in front of it was a mouse he'd found and killed. My stomach fell to the ground.
I should be grateful for what I've had thus far, but all I can think is self-serving, "I wonder if he's going to come back? I want to know more."

But to choose what is next is not my choice. Dear God keep him safe as he travels and be with his family. And thank you for reminding me of who I am in the grand scheme of existance.