Underneath it All

It's been an interesting few weeks. I've allowed my usual guard down and done my best to take everything as it came rushing or trickling toward me. I have a bad habit of assuming the worst in people and closing myself off. The problem is that 9 times out of 10 my first instinct is correct. This time I was hoping to be proven wrong and if you would have spoken to me a few days ago I would have said it was finally happening...but today I'm not so sure.
You see, this morning I began to clean my cluttered room and as I peeled away the layers I began to draw paralells to my life. Underneath some piles of clothing I found amazing discoveries--shirts I'd been in search of for weeks, a favorite pen, a misplaced journal, a plethora of guitar pics. In other parts of my room I found unwanted tidbits--a depressing bill, a dirty dish, a broken trinket, a bent photograph. I suppose that's the gamble you take as you clean a place that has been allowed to fall into a state of chaos. You never know what you are going to find, despite being familiar with it for an extended period of time. You never know what might filter through to the surface.
Some of it is ugly. Some of it is brilliant.
In the case of my room, I've rediscovered a space that makes me feel at ease. I've straightened out things that haven't felt right since moving in and have made my room into a place that I can be relaxed in as well as productive.
People aren't quite as simple. Even though I was beginning to see the glimmer of something sweet underneath, I am starting to wonder if I had my hopes set on fools gold. I'm trying not to close up and walk away but sometimes it's important to know the difference between a "fixer-upper" and a room that should be condemned.