I had a conversation a few weeks ago with a good friend about chemical imbalances and the need/lack of need for medication. We talked about awareness and the ability to understand an emotion or feeling and then take a plan of action whether good or bad to correct it or to work through it or to merely expereience it.
Some days it's easier for me to ignore than to do any of the above. But then there are the days where I understand the mood and the disposition and go with it for good or for bad and ride it out. The waves can be creative overloads or they can be crashing downs but somewhere along the way I just remember that it's all ME.
I don't want to be numb. I'll take my hurricanes along with my sweet summer breezes. In my attempt to keep on an even keel I've grown a bit numb on my own terms (without the help of all the medications Phizer may want to shove down my throat). I'm trying to experience extreme emotion. I'm scared of it. It allows others to see my vulnerable spots. I don't know how I feel about that but it's got to be better than ALWAYS living in the mediocre middle.
Silliness.
Sadness.
Love.
Pain.
Sometimes it takes a moment to realize you've been on the bench, eagerly awaiting your chance to play in the game.
1 comment:
Ooof. I hear you. But the lows are so low sometimes it's a little scary... makes you wonder if running to the comfort of medium isn't a bad thing.
But I think we're very alike-- "rage, rage against the dying of the light".
I'm scared of complacency, more than of my lows.
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